September, 2011Archive

Sep 21

Forget hard. This is fucking hard.

So I thought it would be easy to write a health food blog? Who am I? Rachael Ray?

No. No, I am not Rachael Ray. The following blog post will prove that, just in case anyone of my [1] readers were confused up until now. Glad I cleared that up so that I could go back to my slow mental breakdown about not being able to eat healthy. Just like when I tried to post this blog by Sunday, I failed. And I should have just accepted that.

The roomate’s vegan endeavor was not going well either. Soy milk turned into regular milk. Tofu turned into fish. And I turned into a crazy bitch when all that was left in my fridge was a red pepper and a single slice of cheese. Being resourceful, I scavenged the rest of the kitchen and came up with a pretty good recipe:

  • 20 minutes lying in the middle of the kitchen in the fetal position, arguing to yourself about whether you should get up or not.
  • After getting up, stare at your cabinet for a full 10 minutes before opening it up. Then stare at the contents for 10 more minutes.
  • By now, your internal dialogue with yourself will have been tuned out by the site of peanut butter. Unless you are allergic, in which case you should go back to step 1.
  • 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, then 2 teaspoons, then- fuck it, just finish the whole jar!
  • 10 glasses of milk, 1% low fat, after having talked yourself down from the coffee creamer in the front of the fridge (but the milk is all the way in the back!)
  • 1-2 hours watching Cash Cab in your living room with a 1 box of Cheez- Its until the late-night infomercials wake you up and your roommates give you hardened stares because it smells like peanut butter and cheese powder.

 

Voila: the most satisfying/ shameful dinner I’ve ever made. And it was so easy! Eat it, Rachael Ray.

Sep 14
     

yummers

The first thing that comes to mind when anyone says “healthy” is granola crunching, candle making, organic farming, pony tail wearing hippies that live in Hudson, N.Y. and sell their tye-dye hemp shirts while preaching the wonders of compost. The second thing that comes to mind is tofu. That white, rubbery substance looks like anything but food. An eraser. Play- Doh. Cement bricks. Curd- which rhymes with turd, so by the laws of  the transitive property…you can guess the rest. Pretty much all of these things taste better than plain tofu. Right?

Wrong!

Roomie, my roommate who is a vegetarian and henceforth vegan loves tofu. She eats that shit all the way up. When she suggested we make our first healthy meal centered around that white non- meat, I literally shivered. Already regretting my decision to go cold turkey on Mac ‘n’ Cheese a few days into the experiment, the word tofu nearly sent me running to the frig for the first leg- of- animal I could get my hands on.

I’ve tried tofu before. In one of my “keep an open mind” rants, I put my money where my mouth is at a vegetarian friend’s house and learned a lot about myself that day: One- I sometimes make very bad decisions, Two- spitting food out in front of the person who made it will not gain me any new friends, in fact it might have the opposite effect.

But I thought “Hey, let’s try to keep any open mind here” and 5-6 hours later, I found myself in front of the oven checking on a broiling batch of tofu marinated in teriyaki sauce, sesame oil and sesame seeds. Sounds yummy, right?

I’d like to mention that I’m no food critic. In no way. I wouldn’t know gourmet from garbage (in the figurative way, of course. I would never eat garbage. For free.)

This recipe is courtesy of my roommate, the fearless vegan who is brave enough to try and teach me something about cooking and eating like a human being.

The recipe: Teriyaki Tofu With Whole Wheat Spaghetti

– cut up some tofu in a pan

-throw in some teriyaki sauce, sesame oil and sesame seeds

– pop that sucker in the oven and let it broil for 25 min

– prepare the spaghetti: if you don’t know how to make spaghetti, then I have to congratulate you on your many many riches and the fact that you can pay people to feed you. That, and maybe you should give your mom a rest and cook dinner one night.

when the pasta is cooked and drained, add the broiling mixture to the pasta then add more sesame oil, teriyaki sauce, soy sauce and sesame seeds.

Dinner!

The verdict:

The teriyaki was powerful enough to mask the rubbery nothingness of the tofu. The spaghetti did a good job of that as well. So in the end, I learned something powerful about food: tofu isn’t not good. Those hippies might be onto something. But if you ever see me in dread locks just shoot me dead right there and then. My integrity will thank you afterwards.

I also made a new mantra for life: The best way to try new things is to have an open mind. And drown the new things in lots of sauces that might defeat the purpose of trying to eat healthy in the first place.

Sep 13

Intro to me:

Me: Jimmy. 21 years old. Junior in Queens College. Enjoys Europe, Wacky Mac and listening to hits from the 60’s.

I like writing, but I love food. In this blog, I, Jimmy, avid junk food eater and mac ‘n’ cheese fanatic, will try to prepare and sample new and healthful foods and serve them to my (less than) supportive roommates. Each week I will make a healthy meal for me and my roommates and they will like it. In addition, my roommate (who will henceforth be known as Roomie Roomerson) who has decided to go vegan for 3 weeks has allowed me to record her experiences in this endeavor. In support of her lofty goals, I will cook her one vegan meal a week. Don’t worry, she can still have her soy milk.

I’m really not a healthy eater. If I could have macaroni and cheese for every meal, I would do it in a heartbeat. And then I would die. Because that’s super unhealthy. There have been days when all I’ve had was bread and peanut butter and weeks where I’d live on cereal and milk. Note: I am not homeless. And I am not {that} poor. It’s just easy as shit to make and it is the best to eat! I’m also lazier than anyone can know when it comes to preparing food. The last time I had a carrot was 1999. Sad, I know. It might be a miracle I’m still alive and well.

Here are the rules: I cannot have any cheese and pasta combination, no cereal and milk, no junk food, no nonsense. Roomie cannot have: any products derived from animals including: meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, beeswax, gelatin, and lard. Good luck Roomie.

what's eating jimmy? a blog about food. and jimmy